careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
