I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
