physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Randomize
