so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
