Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
