You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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