she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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