I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
