well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My bed smells like the plague
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
