So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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