with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize