Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize