I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
