Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
