Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
