For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
