Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
