Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
