wrigley field is MILF paradise
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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