It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
