"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
