well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
