I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When are your genitals available?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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