Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
