I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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