we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
