you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
