What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
