So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
