: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
