I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
