I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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