Your tits are I can't wait for
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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