He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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