im drinking this country out of the recession.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
