he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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