But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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