Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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