I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
