How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
