he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
