Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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