hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
