he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
