You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
