bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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