I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
