she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
