I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
