You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
