So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
