well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I believe in your delicious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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