guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
