We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I AM VODKA MAN
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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