we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
