AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
