paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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