apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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