A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
