All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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