Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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