Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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