Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
