He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
