He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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