tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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