I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Someone shattered a urinal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
