I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
